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Jokes
Aug 31, 2006 17:00:37 GMT -5
Post by Gothic Angel on Aug 31, 2006 17:00:37 GMT -5
Any jokes that you found amusing and would like to share? ;D.. A drunken man is exiting a pub, when a nun walks past....Suddernly the drunken man runs at the nun knocking her over........ he then shouts " not so tough now are you batman"
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Jokes
Sept 3, 2006 4:41:49 GMT -5
Post by darkstar on Sept 3, 2006 4:41:49 GMT -5
lmao, I like that.
I dont know any jokes, I just do smart arsed comments.
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Nimf
Stormtrooper
'Lo!
Posts: 60
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Jokes
Sept 15, 2006 13:07:42 GMT -5
Post by Nimf on Sept 15, 2006 13:07:42 GMT -5
Not so much a joke as random funniness!
The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK). A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK) A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA) A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK) A: You are a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA) A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA) A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France) A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France) A: Only at Christmas.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA) A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
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Jokes
Sept 18, 2006 11:38:51 GMT -5
Post by Gothic Angel on Sept 18, 2006 11:38:51 GMT -5
They are genius heheheheheh.. like it cheers for sharing them Nimf
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Inno
Ewok
Count Horatio von Kugelfangen
Posts: 27
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Jokes
Sept 20, 2006 14:55:58 GMT -5
Post by Inno on Sept 20, 2006 14:55:58 GMT -5
How do you make a cat go woof? cover it in petrol and throw a match at it
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