Post by mrfill on Sept 13, 2006 4:53:04 GMT -5
This is just something small I wrote a couple of years back - not brilliant, but just a short story...
Today, was like any other day, well, for me anyway - for the average person it would have driven them insane.
Funny thing that - "the average person" - why do I say that? Well, because people have always said that I'm average… I did average in school, I have average looks, I'm an average dresser, I have an average job - you don't want to know how many times I've been passed over for promotion… that's me - Mr Average.
OK, so that's not my name, but you get the idea, my name is Bob, Bob Janes - it won't mean anything to you - it doesn't mean anything to anybody. Oh well, that's the way it is, everybody looks past me, I'm very much easily ignored.
I was talking about my day wasn't I? You probably forgot or have given up on me already… don't worry, I'm used to it… So, it started as I would have expected - my alarm clock didn't go off… AGAIN! I say that like I should be surprised, but I'm not, it happens so often that it's ridiculous.
Even after that, I managed to get up with just enough time to get to work, but the shower had no hot water… oh well, no shower today, but the deodorant should cover it… note the word "should"… after more running around, I get out of the house at ten after eight, and since I only live 30 minutes from work if I'm lucky.
HAH! Me, lucky? You should have guessed by now, I don't get lucky, and don't think smutty thoughts, like I'd get lucky in that way, ever. What next? Something not so unusual, my car wouldn't start, so I have to get the bus.
You're probably bored by now, right? Still here? That's unusual in itself, most people would have gotten up and left me sitting here, talking to myself. That's the average reaction I get. That's me… Mr Average.
What was I saying? You don't want to hear about my lousy journey - apart from the big crash on Main Street, it's amazing how many crashes there are when I'm running late, you should see the mess today - 5 car pile up - amazing for a street with one lane either way - how do people get into these things?
So, I roll into work late, although everybody else is on flexi-time, I seem to be the only employee who works the nine to five shifts. The funny thing about that is when I get into the office, my manager isn't even in yet, so he doesn't know.
A break for me? I can't wait for it to come crashing down - you know it's coming. In rolls the manager, on his flexi-hours, oblivious to my slip so far, so we get on with the work. I mentioned my manager, Barry, I trained him you know, taught him everything he knows, and yet he gets promoted above me. No surprise there, not to me anyway.
On goes the day and it all seems quiet until a security guard comes up to speak to Barry, apparently there was a broken window this morning, so they had to go over the videos… what does this mean? He finds out that I arrived late - you knew it was coming, didn't you?
I get reprimanded again, I've had so many warnings that I could cover a wall with the amount, but does anything else happen after that? I can't say why, but nothing ever does… I've been there for over 10 years, at my average desk, doing my average job, getting an average wage. That's the way it's been, and it'll always be, I just know it.
Lunch? Guess what - I forgot mine in the hassles of the morning. So I have to get a sandwich out - nothing exciting, just egg mayonnaise, why just that? They're out of everything else.
So, the day rolls on, amazing how the flexi-hours boss seems to work shorter days than me, isn't it? That's the way it goes, isn't it.
On the bus home, on Main Street there's another accident - what do these people do, drive with their eyes closed?
So, I finish my work day at six, as the boss makes me work late, and the accident, I get home at seven thirty… where does the time go? It's a good thing I'm not dating. My ex-wife complained about things like this…
Did I tell you I was married? No? She wasn't average - in fact she was far from average - I thought she was beautiful, but it seemed I was the only one, well, not quite the only one - she left me for the mail-man. Can you believe it? Actually, I guess you can by the look on your face.
I'm still paying alimony even though she left me for another man. This means I can't afford to date, you know. I can barely afford anything these days…
Where was I? Oh yes, home at seven thirty, and the freezer has packed up - everything is defrosted, so I have to throw out all of my meals - I pre-make them you know, although I don't know why - that d**n freezer packs up a couple of days after I've stocked it up with food.
Bob stops talking at this point to take a bite of his pie, he looks sad as he chews, staring off into the distance, his suit is crumpled, his shoes scuffed and the diner's lights flickering slightly shows up the many shaving scars on his chin.
The scene changes to show two nurses, they're looking at a couple of monitors.
The first nurse looks to the second.
"You know that his brain activity always peaks at this time of night"
"Yeah, I bet he's having wonderful dreams in there"
The view pans upwards to a bed, Bob Janes is laying in the hospital bed, he is wired to various pieces of equipment, as the view moves upwards, it shows a sign - "Long Term Coma Victims"
Today, was like any other day, well, for me anyway - for the average person it would have driven them insane.
Funny thing that - "the average person" - why do I say that? Well, because people have always said that I'm average… I did average in school, I have average looks, I'm an average dresser, I have an average job - you don't want to know how many times I've been passed over for promotion… that's me - Mr Average.
OK, so that's not my name, but you get the idea, my name is Bob, Bob Janes - it won't mean anything to you - it doesn't mean anything to anybody. Oh well, that's the way it is, everybody looks past me, I'm very much easily ignored.
I was talking about my day wasn't I? You probably forgot or have given up on me already… don't worry, I'm used to it… So, it started as I would have expected - my alarm clock didn't go off… AGAIN! I say that like I should be surprised, but I'm not, it happens so often that it's ridiculous.
Even after that, I managed to get up with just enough time to get to work, but the shower had no hot water… oh well, no shower today, but the deodorant should cover it… note the word "should"… after more running around, I get out of the house at ten after eight, and since I only live 30 minutes from work if I'm lucky.
HAH! Me, lucky? You should have guessed by now, I don't get lucky, and don't think smutty thoughts, like I'd get lucky in that way, ever. What next? Something not so unusual, my car wouldn't start, so I have to get the bus.
You're probably bored by now, right? Still here? That's unusual in itself, most people would have gotten up and left me sitting here, talking to myself. That's the average reaction I get. That's me… Mr Average.
What was I saying? You don't want to hear about my lousy journey - apart from the big crash on Main Street, it's amazing how many crashes there are when I'm running late, you should see the mess today - 5 car pile up - amazing for a street with one lane either way - how do people get into these things?
So, I roll into work late, although everybody else is on flexi-time, I seem to be the only employee who works the nine to five shifts. The funny thing about that is when I get into the office, my manager isn't even in yet, so he doesn't know.
A break for me? I can't wait for it to come crashing down - you know it's coming. In rolls the manager, on his flexi-hours, oblivious to my slip so far, so we get on with the work. I mentioned my manager, Barry, I trained him you know, taught him everything he knows, and yet he gets promoted above me. No surprise there, not to me anyway.
On goes the day and it all seems quiet until a security guard comes up to speak to Barry, apparently there was a broken window this morning, so they had to go over the videos… what does this mean? He finds out that I arrived late - you knew it was coming, didn't you?
I get reprimanded again, I've had so many warnings that I could cover a wall with the amount, but does anything else happen after that? I can't say why, but nothing ever does… I've been there for over 10 years, at my average desk, doing my average job, getting an average wage. That's the way it's been, and it'll always be, I just know it.
Lunch? Guess what - I forgot mine in the hassles of the morning. So I have to get a sandwich out - nothing exciting, just egg mayonnaise, why just that? They're out of everything else.
So, the day rolls on, amazing how the flexi-hours boss seems to work shorter days than me, isn't it? That's the way it goes, isn't it.
On the bus home, on Main Street there's another accident - what do these people do, drive with their eyes closed?
So, I finish my work day at six, as the boss makes me work late, and the accident, I get home at seven thirty… where does the time go? It's a good thing I'm not dating. My ex-wife complained about things like this…
Did I tell you I was married? No? She wasn't average - in fact she was far from average - I thought she was beautiful, but it seemed I was the only one, well, not quite the only one - she left me for the mail-man. Can you believe it? Actually, I guess you can by the look on your face.
I'm still paying alimony even though she left me for another man. This means I can't afford to date, you know. I can barely afford anything these days…
Where was I? Oh yes, home at seven thirty, and the freezer has packed up - everything is defrosted, so I have to throw out all of my meals - I pre-make them you know, although I don't know why - that d**n freezer packs up a couple of days after I've stocked it up with food.
Bob stops talking at this point to take a bite of his pie, he looks sad as he chews, staring off into the distance, his suit is crumpled, his shoes scuffed and the diner's lights flickering slightly shows up the many shaving scars on his chin.
The scene changes to show two nurses, they're looking at a couple of monitors.
The first nurse looks to the second.
"You know that his brain activity always peaks at this time of night"
"Yeah, I bet he's having wonderful dreams in there"
The view pans upwards to a bed, Bob Janes is laying in the hospital bed, he is wired to various pieces of equipment, as the view moves upwards, it shows a sign - "Long Term Coma Victims"